humor – Nick Momrik

As a Michigan fan, I love some of the following jokes. Enjoy!

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?” The guy replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, 225 lbs., and he is an Ohio State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6’5″, 250lbs., and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?” The first guy says, “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”
It was reported that the Ohio Football Coach Jim Tressel will only be dressing 40 players for the Michigan game …the rest of the players will have to dress them selves.
Did you hear that the Ohio State University library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed and the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn’t colored in two of the books yet.
Q: What does the average Ohio State University student get on his SAT? A: Drool.
Q: How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch? A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What did the OSU grad say to the Michigan grad? A: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?”
Q: Why is ice no longer available at Ohio State football games? A: Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated.
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep the store.” But, I’m a OSU graduate,” the young man replied indignantly, “I even played football there!” “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I better show you how”.
Two Ohio State football players were hootin’ and hollerin’ while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. “Two months?!” exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, “Yeah, the box said 4 – 6 years!”
A Buckeye football player was almost killed today in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
A little boy and his mother were walking through an Ohio cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: “Here lies an OSU graduate and a good man.” The little boy asked his mother, “Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?”
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie’s lamp. “Who disturbs me?” asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did. “You will each get one wish,” said the genie. Jim offers to go first. “I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Ohio so that none of those stupid Michiganders can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!” The genie grants the wish to Jim and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Lloyd he’ll grant him one wish. Lloyd says, “Fill it with water.”