It’s all Dr. Pauly‘s fault. I first read about the cheese balls on on his blog last Tuesday. Or is it Otis‘s fault? After all, he invented the holiday party Pauly was writing about. After reading about the cheese balls I got a craving. On Thursday of last week I finally broke down and picked up the 37.5 oz monster container from Sam’s Club. Let me tell you, those are some damn good cheese balls!

I finished off the container today and along with it went a $500 deposit that I made last week while eating the cheese balls and a $100 bonus I had earned during the same time. I swear, I didn’t have anything to do with the losses. The orange crunchy puffs of air brought about bad beats like I haven’t seen in a long time. Hands like AK were beat by A6, A3, and K3. Not on the flop either! Tonight the account which had the deposit finally hit zero. The last two hands went down like this…

I get AK suited on the button ($0.50/1 No-Limit full table). I haven’t been playing any hands for the past two hours. A loose player raises up to $4 in the cutoff. The small blind who has been going head to head with this guy (and is also playing loose) raises to $7. I pump it up to $15. The cutoff folds and the SB thinks. He finally pushes another $20 and I know I’m either a big favorite or we have a coin flip so I call. He flips 99. An ace comes on the flop and I’m looking good until a damn 9 comes on the turn. I comment “Nice” in the chat box. How can he push with a middle pair after the pot has been raised 3 times? There are only 3 or 4 hands I could possibly have in this spot and he’s a big underdog to all but the one I actually had. Gotta love online poker.

Very next hand I find AA. The same loose player who had folded last hand raises to $3. It’s folded to me and I bump it to $8 (I think). The flop is T75. I’m hoping he thinks I’m on tilt so I push my last $15 or so into the $15 pot. He ends up calling with 88. Turn is a 4 and river is a 6, giving him a straight. Fuck you poker gods! At least I had a reason to stop playing then.

I swear, it’s not my fault. The cheese balls gave off some crazy voodoo vibes or something. I’m glad they’re gone so that I can get back to winning poker. Damn you Pauly and Otis!